An Exclusive Interview* with Ellyse Perry
If you were around a sports channel or Twitter some time on Sunday 17th, you might have caught the Ellyse Perry bandwagon whizzing by. Guess what? I’m on it.
After the match, I managed to get her to one side for a few words:
TFTDB: It’s been a fantastic match, Ellyse. I’m sure the West Indies will bemoan their collapse, but isn’t it fair to say that Australia just dominated them in every area of the game today?
EP: It is fair to say that, I think. The West Indies are a fantastic outfit, with some real class players, but we really pulled it together today and we got the result.
TFTDB: There’s been some speculation about that earlier match against the West Indies … that you might have had reason to throw it …
EP: Oh, we definitely threw that match. Wouldn’t you have? It knocked the bloody Poms and the Stupid Kiwis out, which is always fun. We actually throw matches all the time, just for shits and giggles, you know? A lot of the women’s teams do, but because the ICC isn’t really interested in us it goes by unnoticed.
TFTDB: The team posted a fantastic total today. The batting was really impressive, especially considering it had been less than stunning in the earlier part of the tournament.
EP: Actually, our batting has always been fine – we were faking that wobbly stuff to give the other teams a false sense of security. We fake a lot of stuff – none of us even wear our natural colour hair and have you seen Sthaleker’s fake tan? Is that great or what?
TFTDB: Oh, ok … are you not worried what the fans think?
EP: We don’t take cricket seriously enough to really give a toss. Yeah, by all means speculate about us throwing matches. It’s not like this is our life or anything … we’re not the men’s team, are we?
TFTDB: Right, erm … anyway, how about you? Coming out to play today with an injury and what a performance! You have just become Australia’s little darling – anything you’d like to say?
EP: Well, I’d really like to say “This is how it’s done Twatto”, but that would be unfair – you see, the ankle isn’t really injured. It was just a ploy …
TFTDB: … OK, then. That’s about enough of that. Ladies and Gentlemen, Ellyse Perry.
Oh dear, love it.
Hehe … I was just a little annoyed at the insinuation that a match was deliberately thrown. Can you tell?
Yes, It has been very funny to follow. The English press KNOW the Aussie women threw it because they were so terrified as the English team was obviously a walk-up for the trophy.
Because they played so well, didn’t they?
I was all over the Ellyse Perry bandwagon, so to speak, until I realised she reminds me of Stuart Broad. Now she’s ruined. #sadface
Stuart Broad?? Someone else said she had a Punter face. I threatened him with execution. Consider yourself warned.
I’m a little bit worried about the state of a world in which Ellyse Perry is likened to not only ZombiePunter but also BarbieGirl. The Apocalypse is nigh … must be, really, if we’ll keep seeing this sort of thing.
This was done by an Englishman and a Saffa. I think there’s something in that for all of us, don’t you?
Either way it’s a bloody insult and anyway, she looks more like Brett Lee!
… she looks more like Brett Lee!
It’s the hair, isn’t it?!
By that logic we just need to dip her in a tub of plastic and she’d look like Shane Warne.
I don’t actually think Warne looks all that plastic. I think he looks desiccated – like one of those bog people, only their skin is sort of brown and he is so very orange. Maybe with time …?
He doesn’t always look plastic, but I’m not getting over this picture for a while “http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=3&ved=0CDoQFjAC&url=http%3A%2F%2Fm.dailytelegraph.com.au%2Fentertainment%2Fsydney-confidential%2Fshane-warne-spills-the-weight-loss-beans%2Fstory-e6frewz0-1226109350388&ei=4cYnUaecEMqI0AW0p4CICg&usg=AFQjCNH45xvl2sNBisZk8aRSYc8ZIeFy2w&sig2=uhZwG8Qst7v5OIiRlbTaCw”
True. That does look plastic. Like Barbie Ken from Hell.
He’ll end up as weird looking as Liberace.