Thoughts from the Dustbin

… almost the width of Gatting

The Ashes checklist

I know it’s been a while – sorry about that. There’s been lack of sleep, the Big Bash league, work, romance, Christmas and a wee incident involving a glass of wine and my laptop.

But, not to worry, because the job is done. Somehow, we managed to cobble together a half decent team with one or two new faces, an unlikely hero and a couple of old farts and win this bastard back 5-0. Naturally, debate rages as to whether Australia played well or England were just shit (I default to the former, of course, but the latter is always a bit funny) but all I can say is that it was fun. At 17-4, the straw clutchiness of the England fans resorted to bringing up *that* collapse against South Africa. I just smiled. That was then, this is now.

If I was to list everything I could ask for in a test series (and I am about to do just that), this one would have it all:

  • Laughter
  • Tears
  • Sledging
  • The standard accusations of poor sportsmanship from the losing team’s fans
  • Short memories from the losing team’s fans
  • a retirement
  • discussions of sackings
  • A whitewash
  • A huge pink ‘tache with magical powers
  • A debutante that divides people (anyone else losing the Bailey faith? I know, I know – shoot me)
  • Some negative jinxing from me (see above) (see also previous posts regarding Mitchy)
  • Sexy Harris
  • Chris Rogers
  • Threats of violence
  • Bitching about Kevin Pietersen
  • Ginger jokes
  • Career resurrections from unexpected quarters
  • Depressed England fans on twitter
  • TwattoLotto

I ask you: what more could you want?

Post victory soft porn, perhaps?


7 comments on “The Ashes checklist

  1. lou
    January 5, 2014

    Ha, ha.

    Amazing Mitchell and his Supersonic Mo. I hope he keeps it.

    I hope Mrs Amazing Mitchell lets him.

    • kirbymeehan
      January 5, 2014

      What ever happened to Mrs Amazing Mitchell senior? Did Jess finally knock her off, do your think?

  2. lou
    January 5, 2014

    They locked her up in a cellar three days before the GABBA test and she’s not allowed out till the end of Day 5 SCG.

    Yes, I know Day 3 was it for the series BUT THEY DON’T WANT TO TAKE ANY CHANCES with that particular Milf.

    And she didn’t have wireless or mobile so she couldn’t even contact the press to make nasty comments about her daughter-in-law or her darling boy that way either.

  3. Psych Babbler
    January 5, 2014

    It was amazing, wasn’t it? Only wish it had continued to Day 4…given I had tickets and what not. Must admit prior to the series I didn’t expect a 5-0 scoreline….

    • kirbymeehan
      January 6, 2014

      I don’t think anybody did really. A handful of Aussies did say as much but it was just hubris at the time. I did think we’d do better but not this much better. I thought we’d draw the series. When I contributed to a prediction piece on MSN saying as much, I got some stick from people (mostly Indians actually) asking how on earth I thought Australia were capable of winning two tests. These people are quiet right now.

  4. I was all set to make liberal use of the hashtag #ENGlulz, but when the occasion(s) arouse, I found I couldn’t: first, because I was too happy and elated; and later, because ENG was often so bad, so lost that I actually felt embarrassed for them … and mocking what you pity is impossible.

    English supporters on twitter were glum and glumerer unless they were busy clutching their moral pearls, which activity they seemed to find a curiously uplifting, and/or thinking up bizarre reasons for England’s losses. For instance, did you know that England lost at the SCG because the pitch was substandard and not fit for Test cricket? And no, Australia’s scoring +500 on that very same pitch is neither here nor there.

    I’m still quite cool Rogers. Sorry. He didn’t really start scoring until the Ashes were already won (or in England, until they were lost). I don’t like that.

    Our George? *big sigh* Sadly, I think he must go. I am, as you know, of the opinion that ‘mature’ players should shouldn’t be given very much more than 5 Tests to sink or swim; he sank. He got to win the Ashes – and that’s a lot more than most Australian cricketers will ever get to experience. Bizarrely, despite his failure with the bat, I think that it was really advantageous – possibly even imperative – to have him in the XI during these particular Ashes: he seems to be a sort of fount of confidence and reassurance for the players around him. I might start to call him Capt Feelgood.

    (And since I’m feeling so good about things right now, I hope that a bit of sanity will prevail and that dropping Our George will involve dropping Twatson down to #6.)

    Finally: it’s offical: ‘taches rule!

    • kirbymeehan
      January 10, 2014

      Yes, big disappointment in Our George. So much so that I’ve resorted to an attempt at negative jinxing. And I confess to being entirely biased when it comes to Bucky, but even I thought he needed to go at one point. It doesn’t take much for him to win me back though. I still think he was intended as something of a stop gap for the test side, so his days may be numbered anyway.

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